Afterthought.

After reading back on my posts I recognize something, like just. My flair of mania with the ever-changing playrooms and hair colour was actually me trying to deal with my mom’s health which seriously took a nosedive around the new year. I tend to hyperfocus on odd things, the urge to move furniture is somewhere in the basics needs chart lol, I find comfort in moving furniture around and creating new themed rooms, and oh my god did I ever, and still am, obsessing about my hair cause quite clearly it is easier to focus on that then to see your parent falling apart. I loved my mom. She played a significant role as my therapist growing up as a teenager…can you imagine? Similar to my own daughter we have all shared something in common. My mom was a wonderful human being with a kind heart and the woman prays for everyone, she had lists of regulars and new people, I always knew she prayed for me, prayed really hard for me and the kids. She wanted to make sure Neil and I would move in together someday. She wants to make sure I will be fine. She probably was worried about leaving my dad but I told her that I would look after him. My dad, the sorrow is so hard to see. I stayed home today, well I went to Niels in the evening but I really felt like I needed a bit of me-time. One of the things I love to do is writing and I really haven’t had the chance. My last post wasn’t intended on being cold, I would like to reflect back warmth and good vibes, good aouras all about my mom.

I am also catching myself here a little bit as I begin to peak with another obsession, the moon. I want to get in touch with everything that is about the moon and how it affect me and how I can draw up energy from the moon. The moon, several references in my poetry the full moon. I was privileged to see the full blue moon back in October, on Halloween night. That was incredible. And power..holy shit, I bought 2 books.

So maybe that will help me with the grieving process. I will get stuck in it, I feel a pull towards it, so I might get out my recipe cards and do something tacky and crafty and make myself like Q cards to tell me what to do for each moon phase, oh so much, and how the moon affects Taurus, oops, ya haha, I don’t think in  all  of my time writing have  I mentioned being a Taurus (“OHHH THAT’S WHY YOU ARE LIKE THIS “) Stubborn with a capital S

Well, I am trying to get back into writing but I had to share my mom’s passing and how death affects everyone. Everyone. I just keep going back to finding the peace my mom now has. And her passing was beautiful, I had a friend call it poetic, for those of you just joining my mother passed away on a very religious day. My mom made it all beautiful, it was just like in the movies. I wish I could see her one more time, I would tell her more, I didn’t know that my sister said the person goes on to hear what people are saying and to talk to her, I would have talked, even more, I was not expecting things to happens this fast, 2 days ago I visited and she made eye contact, and squeeze my hand back. That was 2 days before she passed.

Well, this is my journal, this is my blog and this is what has been going on. I hope you are all well, give extra hugs, love people with your words and actions. Find strength in disarray. Find that peace. I believe I have found mine. Well, maybe a bit. It is nice to be able to write again

Categories: Uncategorized

Tagged as: bipolar grief hyperfocus loss mania

Christie F.

Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.