Now March 28, I will have more to post that is current.
A new beginning somehow. Still flaw, so ya, I have beat all my silly demons that were making my and Neils life difficult. I almost wondered if I was psychotic. I told the doctor I was afraid I would, that’s how bad the intrusions were. I was close to going via ambulance. Split seconds could really mean life or death, I don’t drive anymore and if I did in that state it would be dangerous. I am feeling rather well, yes, and paranoia still lingers but with meds and talking to my therapist I can “thought block”, trendy term, I can say no and change focus. But it always lingers, friendships, who might be reading this, what if someone I knew was reading this, I suddenly got those demon thoughts that someone is trying to get all my personal scoop, you know the skeletons in the closet. I don’t mind sharing for like educational purposes, if you want to analyze me have fun, I don’t think I am too difficult. Bipolar1, definitely have some anxiety, paranoid thoughts, and struggles with the mania the most. My mania is hard for me to cure. Which is fine. The mixed mania is what I never wish on anyone. It is an evil state of mind.
I don’t trust people, in general, is what I am understanding about me. I don’t trust people, I think they have other motives when they are nice or do something nice, and what if shit spread around and it’s the topic at your coffee table discussions…I don’t know why people gossip about people, it just shows your ugly side. I see a lot of things, sometimes interesting thoughts sometimes it just me shaking my head.
Neil and I had our 8th year of meeting anniversary. Eight years. Great cause 8 is my favorite number, but our number is 13, March 13, 2013, is when we went on our first date. A milestone achieved after thinking the 7-year- itch was catching up to us. We have our issues like most do, I keep hearing that I am hard work but I also stick up for myself now, so our conversations can be a bit heated. I am tired of just talking words for words, exaggerations, I like solid truths. Anyways, I am in a bit of a funky mood tonight, I spent my afternoon with my daughter who continues to just live with dad, well we had our Sunday date and it was fun we went downtown to get some piercing sorted out at the tattoo shop I always go to, I’m not getting paid so I won’t name them haha, but highly recommended, I have all my stuff done there for over 10 years. In case you don’t know I have 42+ tattoos and many piercings. Interesting? Just facts, personalizes it more don’t you think.
I am in a new era in my writing career, I registered for my 3rd course at my local college for creative writing. It will be a hard one for me, Understanding Literature. It’s the dissecting of info, labeling styles. But I love the challenge. My favorite so far was Poetry. I learned so much and wrote more poetry in the semester than I have in all my life. It was exceptional, and that‘s what my professor told me. I have so much pride. Then I get doubts, like should I really write my book, should I really publish it, what if it got in the wrong hands, I use a pen name, something will slip, so then maybe I go back on it and uncrudify (not a word but I bet you understand) my explicit sex scenes. But it is about me, it is my story, how I walk, talk, live.
Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.