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Mellow Madness

You missed it. My brief brush of mania, here and seemingly already gone or maybe I just burnt up my energy. 

Doing this karaoke stuff, we had a “room party” on Facebook. It was so much fun. I posted a song to Smule and have since moved it to Utube as well. I do not have a singer’s voice but I like what I have accomplished with this song.

It all started when I sang a really good song for my voice and started thinking about how much I would love to start a band.

And then the ball started running, sprinting. I was messaging my ex-husband. He had a band many moons ago in his late teens, a very 80’s metal band. He also played music with his best friend, lets call him Jack. Well, I started thinking maybe my ex, Jack and I could start a band, a small one, a trio,

I was so crazy. I started sending my ex songs that I have done on Smule. Smule is a program, like karaoke but you can sing duets, or have others join your songs or you can go solo.

I have burnt myself out. I am lying under covers on the couch with a long summer skirt, a tank top and a sweater on top, under a nice wool blanket and my sister crocheted blanket she made for me.

Back to the group room party, there was one guy there that I didn’t know. He said he had never done karaoke before.

Well turns out he plays guitar, and actually already has a partner to do duets with. They have performed as well, mainly for small events and as a fundraiser.

THEN. I was floored, he wanted to add me as a friend on FB. I was so excited. Normally I don’t accept friend requests unless I know the person. But for some reason of fate perhaps our paths crossed. I have spent quite a bit of time talking to him about music. He shared his song list he sings with his partner and I shared my list of songs I have done at karaoke. I don’t even know how many songs we are talking about, maybe 25 songs. Hold on I will check

Well counted 50. A couple of songs I had listed twice, but this started 7 years ago when Neil first introduced me back into the bar scene after I had been sober for over ten years. It was then that I discovered Karaoke.

I have mentioned it is a coping strategy.  It certainly helped me look forward to something during the isolation phase of the pandemic. Most of the time I didn’t bother changing out of my pj’s or even being bothered about doing my hair or putting on my contacts, but I would sing my 2 daily songs for the Karaoke page I am on. It is one of my best friend projects and it has blossomed so nicely. She was also the one who came up with a room event and we had 7- 8 singers in a rotation. It went on long enough for us to all have done three songs

Back to my ex and band. My ex showed me a link to Jacks’ band, and I stumbled across his FB page. I saw a few band videos but then I came across him singing, solo whist playing keyboard, Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones. I had never heard the song, so I went on youtube and found it with the lyrics. It was so beautiful I tried singing it a couple of times and then I gave it a go and recorded it..

I am very proud of the video, I think it is beautiful It’s my version of the song, I am not quite sure about my voice but I find it soothing. I have gotten good feedback on it. I will include it. I think it felt like a beautiful magical moment, a song I was going to send off to Jack to say, here you go, this one is done my way. And told him all about the band idea. He never did comment on that but he did say 

“Hey there! Very cool vibe.  Really enjoy other people’s takes on the classics. Keep recording!

And then on my fb group, I received a fabulous comment, but now I can’t find my video. But it was from a girl who regularly uploads her singing to youtube so I was very flattered. She said I did a beautiful job of a stripped-down song. It was just me and the piano. I honestly think it is beautiful even if my voice isn’t “right” for the song. Well, I like it. If you listen to it a couple of times maybe you can see the magic in it

I am a bit over my head to think I could ever perform in a band, but then again, I perform each time I go up for karaoke, or even in videos, I try to be upbeat and make people smile. I think that is what people like most of my videos when I smile and have fun and maybe a bit silly. And of course my bloopers. I don’t know that there are many songs that I can do without having a blooper or two.

I am now in my flannel sheep PJ bottoms and my black Bob Marley long sleeve top, still under the blankets. It doesn’t make sense. I think it is 35 degrees outside, sunny, hot. 

My son’s room is the hottest in the house, esp because it is small and he has a big tv and an Xbox. So he has the temp set for 24, which is reasonable but I find it sooo cold.

Ya feeling a bit down for some reason like I have crashed after a brief bout of mania.

I wanna be a rock star.

I have to BBQ. I will be too hot in my pjs, but too hot is better than this cold empty feeling I have right now. And I am so damn tired.

So I have been having terrible nightmares. Nightmares that make me afraid to fall asleep. The last one Neil was here and I ran out of my bedroom yelling” I’m scared.” Feel that hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach and my stomach turns. Feel that panic, I can remember it so clearly

So after that, I decided I was going to take my sleeping pill for a couple of days. My daughter sent me a link for a video to listen to while you are asleep. “Self love affirmations” It is to reprogram your brain to be more positive. She has experienced a couple of my night terrors. Tables changed eh? She wants to help. I generally am in pretty good spirits but when I crash I am miserable. I have been doing plenty of activities, have plenty of interest, but it just dawned on me maybe I just need a break from all the hype of rock star and favourite friend and best mom and imperfect fiance. Maybe I just need some me-time

Yet I have been having tons of me time. I spend my whole day in my office, or “my studio” As it has been referred to. That’s sexy.

So this guy I met, Marc came up with an idea that we can collaborate on. He said he will pick up his electric guitar and I can do the vocals for Glycerine by Bush. One of my favorite bands from the 90’s. Big crush on Gavin Rossdale.

The only thing that I might do today is take a walk to the Circle K and get me a Red Bull. Something I gave up some time ago, I was drinking at minimum 2 a day, up to 4 when I used to party hard at late-night karaoke. Expensive and bad for the teeth (sugar-free is horrid) Ha. and Mania. oooo excellent match. Match made in heaven.

“I have wings”

I want that back.

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Christie F.

Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.

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