I am supposed to have all sorts of things to say about my wedding, it is part of my book that I am writing in. But no one was expecting a pandemic.

At the time that we had just met with the Officiant and before we got around to filling out the details the pandemic happened.

Everything sort of stood still for a while.

I guess the sad news is that we have decided to postpone our wedding until we decide on another date.

It sort of wrecked me. I was so hopeful that we would have been able to say we went ahead with our wedding.  They have just as today opened wedding and funeral gatherings of up to 50 people or 30% of the business capacity. 

We could have done it. Our wedding is in August. Well, it was.

However,  Neil pointed out very clearly what his wishes were and I kind of tried to fight it a bit with him. He doesn’t want to get married with social distancing going on. His family can’t travel, my parents wouldn’t be able to attend, that would be putting them at risk.

So I fought it until I thought it out more. So yes. I see now why Neil wants to hold it off. It isn’t essential we get married right away, we were hoping sooner than later as our first date was set for 2024 and we wanted to make sure our parents could see the wedding. But to put them at risk?  That would be selfish of me.

I was still sad though. But I remembered what he said on his post on Facebook that we were going to (I) come up with a magic Christie number. So, instead of a bit of a tiff we were getting into, I said well let’s spend some time deciding on a date then.

But he did say it was going to be a Christie number. Meaning that I tend to pick numbers based on how they look or how they sound or a time frame, some stuff about mystical beliefs around number patterns and sequences. I also know my favourite number is 8. I like repetitive numbers like 2020. This year would have had the perfect date on 08/08/2020. Doesn’t that look cool?

Sigh, ya I just did, I do have this tiny little bit of control issues. Some more times than others. I never really understood all of my actions in the past, whether it be raising my kids or being in relationships. There are certain things I want my way. Camping, to some extent, is done by me. Oh about that.

So provincial parks are starting to open, I am uncertain whether or not the washrooms and showers will be open, but if you are in a tent and it is open, wouldn’t they be required to allow the use of bathrooms as doing our business outdoors is against the law, what are they thinking?

Anyways, with great hopes that they are completely open, I got really excited and just booked three weekends of camping. Hehe. I was so excited to be doing it I got a bit carried away and didn’t check with Neil at all. I am pretty lucky he tends to go with the flow (except the wedding). But in all my excitement I ended up booking all the wrong dates. I had my kid weeks mixed up on my calendar.

My mind hasn’t been doing very well. Not since the beginning of the pandemic. I threw myself into a big depression and stayed like that for a month until finally, I snapped out of it but it was so painful to morph from one spectrum to the next. I am working on a poem to depict that. I kind of went up too high suddenly elated, over-talkative, over-energized in my karaoke videos, dancing for 500 people when I am supposed to be a bit self-conscious and have had low self-esteem. 

My self-esteem took a bit of a hit last year, but finally, just now I am building it back up. I am a good person. I try to do the right thing. But I was really down on myself for quite some time which has been very unlike me for the past seven years. I have generally felt good about myself. Joked about being a rock star, imitating Joan Jett, and feeling like I truly do rock. And you know what? Someone said that to me in one of the comments about a video I sang, and the woman said “Darling you glow when you sing this song. You truly do rock” You know what song I was singing? Avril Lavinge song Girlfriend. HAHA, that song. Has history, but even more, it was Avril that I listened to most when I used to run. I would love to do that again, but I have so many things going on and I don’t know how in shape I am. Yes, a good way to get in shape.

Well for whatever reason I snapped out of it. I think it was the brief brush of mania that perked me up. I am feeling much more fun, in a better mood, more confident. I have been spending a lot of time with my doctor, every two weeks. And I am doing things to make me grow.

It’s the karaoke thing, I mention karaoke a lot. It is one of my coping strategies. A big part of my life is built with karaoke, the group, the special pages, the nights out, dancing drinking (I don’t) the people, the love and support. I have an incredible amount of support it is just out there. I have a few close friends. I chose very carefully who I let into this world you read about. In fact, as anonymous readers, I feel even more at ease. Strange isn’t it.

It’s the college stuff. I finally started my course in English grammar. I chuckle. I am sure I make plenty of grammatical mistakes, some are intentional as I am primarily writing a journal.

It’s so you can ‘get inside my head’ bit.

In any case, I must get back to the wedding. We are supposed to spend the next couple of days to figure out a new date. Well, this is one of the most important parts of the wedding. The date. I don’t know why, but dates, although I tend to forget, are important to me, Our first wedding picked out was 24 6 8 . Saturday, June 8, 2024. And this year was supposed to be 08/08/2020. So I start looking at the calendar for next year. And I am going off on my own here, I haven’t even mentioned it to him now. But if there is one thing I get to decide on is the date. He wanted to pick the location. I want to do everything in between.

However, right now, all I care about is the date. We know where we will be married, he decided that, and he can decide the rest. I have been accused of trying to take over (my nature).

So I messaged a couple of things to Neil, I said that I would like a wedding in May, August September and even October.

That is when it hit me. Have a fall wedding. I love Autumn. It is my favourite season. Neil and I end up doing fall camping every year. Sometimes getting a hot spell but we camp right through September and the beginning of October. Basically, until they close. It would be nice to get a couple of weekends in the summer but Neil and I are both doing college. So our weekends are full.

So I start looking at dates on the calendar and I see September. Then I see the eighteenth of September is a Saturday.

Well. September is probably my favorite month I think. Its the beginning of a new school year. I will always feel that. It’s the happy yay a new chapter. We also camp a lot in September.

The number eighteen is a good number, it has an eight in it, and it is also the day I was born. So ya, I am hoping for *Saturday, September Eighteenth, 2021.”

I think I have found my perfect date. Perhaps even more perfect than the other two. See what Neil thinks… Oh write the date in cursive, it’s beautiful.

Categories: Uncategorized

Tagged as: bipolar camping coping stategies depression mania self-esteem wedding

Christie F.

Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.