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Chin Up Buttercup

December 2, 2021- starting this at 12:15 am. I sense an all-nighter but if I write everything I want to, then I will be able to go to bed.

I am doing good. I really want to try and focus on positive stuff, look for signs of goodness rather than doubt humanity. So I have a lot to be thankful for and I have reasons to be excited but fall too often on “HERO TO ZERO” Neil says I do that all the time.

I went to open mic finally. I hadn’t gone out when Neil was in England, I was too busy rearranging furniture for his return.

The guy that runs open mic has 45 min showcase with new bands. Was really busy, another full band went up, everyone got encored, and this is what I told my band. It is 3 songs, but plan on a fourth if people start shouting “More ! More!” 10 songs for the showcase. 20 songs for a two-hour set. All goals.

I think after I saw all the high energies in the bands and a really cute duet, young couple, like maybe in their 20’s. She had an amazing voice…finishing my sentence, I lost my balls. I decided I was too tired and wouldn’t be able to give it my all. I stayed for a little while but got a bit bored and didn’t feel like being on my phone. SO I paid bar tab, said goodbye to the waitress and just left, didn’t say bye to the guys, they were the only ones I knew there. Makes me realize how much I do not like saying goodbye to people. Neil is the worst. It will take him 20 min to say all his goodbyes in the days of our large group of karaoke friends that all ended up in drama, and Neil and I are the only ones that stay out of it. It is as awkward as fuck..I used to ditch my friends at bars too. Then they stopped inviting (back in the days of drinking) To clarify, Saying bye to people is awkward. If two guys are sitting at the table with a girl, I know the guys, do I go over and hug them bye, and look at the girl and say “what are you looking at ?” LOL no I am not serious, but ya maybe? Do I say “ Hi I am Christie and stick my hand out for a shake, or do I hug her as well? What if I hug one person longer than the other?

I sat in my chair shitting bullets cause I don’t know if I can stand up to that. SO my “hero” was me getting dressed up sexy and planning on singing 3 songs, I practiced but didn’t feel like I had done enough review, because I am doing this without lyrics. The best way the experts say.  My “zero” was leaving without singing (but I really don’t think they had time, he had a big list of new people and I don’t want to take up their spot, I can do this anytime.

“Know your lyrics cold.” That makes me feel like I may not have in it me to know all my songs by heart, I have about 7, and new ones are coming, I have about 4 more that I know mostly without lyrics, by Sunday, I have to know all my songs, 

So..update on Band

We practice every weekend, the next 3 weeks it will be on a Sunday. I had been having a hard time job sharing the vocals. But it is turning out so well, so, it is change…I have a hard time with change right? We have already replaced one drummer…I hope this guy stays. We are looking for a lead guitar, think we have one and just found out he won’t be around till January, so for the next 3 practises we have no lead guitar?  I better look into this. When I can find my phone. HAHA “Hey Google…find my phone” ALL THE TIME.

SO I like show and tell. I do love how my pictures turn out making me feel like a proper rock star. Maybe when we get things perfect and I can put on my youtube and all my music journeys will be there, No. I am not delusional. You know that feeling when some people don’t think you can do it, people saying na he will never do that, or she doesn’t sing well, she isn’t goin to make it. She is being foolish, wasting time. I could go on. But that feeling when you say “Fuck this I am doing it”  and to have pics, and vids, even if they aren’t at their best. I am doing this. Right on!

But ya I like testosterone in my band. We don’t have a band name. We don’t even have all the band members together. Next Sunday I will have an hour and a half to practice what I want to do on my own, the other singer is coming later. Then she wants to do a couple of her own, and then we will have time to go over ones we do together, sometimes harmony, sometimes just 2 singers, and we might have a 3rd female vocalist and if the guitar guy joins us we will also have male vocals. Be a whole bunch of us and I will get drowned out. ANYWAYS back to positive.

Did I tell you about Sally? It is a long story but can probably do it in 3 sentences. OK, everyone in the band recommends A SHure58 microphone. So I went to the store to buy it and also came out with a new amp. When I got home I realized I didn’t have the right attachments for the mic. SO I messaged, my professional musician friend what I need and she said “While you are getting one for your mic…get one for your guitar…yes yes..I wrote this before, sorry. Sally is the new guitar I got. My first electric acoustic guitar and I named her Sally. I think that was 6 sentences lol. Lost track.

Meet Sally

It is a Fender FA-Series. Lovely guitar, lovely sound…and that brings me to my next goal.

Maybe I said this too…I do talk a lot sometimes and am not sure who I told who what.

SO I have an electric acoustic guitar, that I can plug in on stage and do my own set of 3 (have that bonus 4th- maybe even 5th) songs at the open mic.

I have had a guitar for about 10 years. I think I will do my best writing my own songs rather than trying to make them sound like other people’s songs. I have a long way to go before I hit the stage but I might start songwriting on the side. I know our band wants to write originals, and I have provided them with my first attempt, and I have heard nothing back, no good, no bad, no suggestions.  So I am a bit frustrated. I kind of need to know if they like it before I try writing more. But keep the special stuff for me. I am however goin to pick a poem on alcoholism and write it as a song, but I will put the chords together I will tell the band how to play it. .>>>insert drum roll>>> Or really, no. I am not sharing my poetry. I will write songs for them but not stuff I have already written. In fact, by next summer I could have 3 originals and maybe 2 covers. Working so hard on Runaway Train..the  F chord is really hard, even the cheater way.OMG this is what I am goin to do. I have 1 month before my course begins. I will set a goal of taking at least 2 poems and putting nice guitar music to it. Fuck sakes man. Can you believe this? I remember my mom RIP said you dont have to do this (the courses) it’s not like you can do anything with it. I said actually yes, I could be employed by newspapers or magazines (but I can’t actually work) SO why did I take a course, for me. For my learning, for my enjoyment for my growth, to make me a better writer. And I love to write. I love to journal and this is what I pretty much do here with an occasional poem or short story. I have 2 courses left. I am embarrassed to say I have taken the Grammar course, but my attention to detail isn’t always strong. Lol. And with racey brain, well hope you can follow. SO there now I have yet another goal.

10 years karaoke, 1 year of open mics, 3 months of the band, and now songwriting, for the band and myself.

I hardly have any free time.

3 pages. And a couple of photos. I think it is time I take my pills for bed. I didn’t take any daytime meds. Cough no I am not buzzing……ha.

It’s after 2 am now, I will post and head to bed. Good night

Rehearsal Studio

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Christie F.

Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.

4 replies

  1. On writing your own material…I write, although not songs, and the best advice I can give is write first and foremost for yourself. I write what I would like to read and I guess you should try to write what you want to listen to, rather than relying on someone else’s tastes. Even if your other band members don’t like your material, that doesn’t make it bad, just not to their taste. Half a dozen songs you like and they don’t? Hey, a solo list.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You inspired me, Mick, thoughts of going solo and the decision to learn guitar so I can do my own open mic with my own guitar, and hopefully a couple of originals. I keep getting new song ideas as covers. I will be sure to write about
      my adventures.

      Liked by 1 person

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