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Reflecting

January 5th, 2020

Wow, I just had a little cry. I saw that I had a new follower on WordPress, so I read a bit of her profile. She struggles with an eating disorder too, but her lengthy post was very positive and made me think about what I am doing. I not quite sure if she is struggling with it right now, but she has survived the year despite how hard it was. I too have to give myself kudos for surviving another year all around. Last year was quite difficult with my own issues, my daughter’s issues, my son’s issues and the health of my parents. My blood pressure went up and I still struggle with that for some reason. I have to get that checked out and have an apt with my doctor soon.

On the flip side of things, this year is meant to be fabulous. Neil and I working through our stuff and we have started being like we always have been. Our relationship has been very good, open, honest, good communication and fun. All of my issues last year has played a toll on Neil quite hard. My eating disorder hurts him, yet I can’t stop, but maybe I can learn how to lose my Christmas weight in a healthy way.

As I posted before I have entered a new phase, one that I hope stays, with me not driving. What a different way of life. I am taking public transit, but more importantly, is that I am walking.

I took a course last spring on Stress, Wellness, and Nutrition. I did excellent because I knew the right things to say, but it was a good journey for me even though I was struggling with stress and nutrition. Right down to the concept that water is incredibly important.  I tried to incorporate good nutrition, I even started doing yoga, and using my gym which consists of a rowing machine (that I HAD to buy when I was discharged from my hospitalization for mania…I think I was still manic) and some small weights. I even had a schedule, but as time went on I started falling back into the same patterns as before.

SO this walking stuff is incredibly healthy for me, both physically and mentally.

I need to keep going with this. Neil was happy to see me cook dinners, and include my own vegetarian meal with my kids, and with preparing Neils dinner when he is over.

Also, I have been able to reduce my dose of Seroquel, the mania seems to have subsided.

I was talking about books with Neil, and I told him about a book that I loved but that I had loaned a friend years ago. He was bipolar as well and we had met at rehab for alcohol abuse. The book I finally found again is called “An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Redfield Jamison. I am so excited to read it again, and alas, someone knocked on the door and I received it already along with some coffee pods for my expresso machine. Finally. I bought ones that weren’t compatible a few days back and I was very disappointed.

I have also been reading lots on WordPress and found an article by someone who is following me. She too is a writer, but a published writer. I liked her post, there was also discussion about using those darn plastic bags from the grocery store that you use for fruits and veggies, so I decided to go on Amazon and found some mesh bags to use instead of the plastic ones. While I was at it, I also decided I would buy her book, “At The Seaside Nobody Hears You Scream” By Janet Gogerty.  I should be getting that in the mail tomorrow. I still haven’t finished the current book I am reading, though it is very good I can only sit for an hour or so, a chapter’s worth. It is “The Perfect Girlfriend” By Karen Hamilton. It is very good, and quite twisted. I’m currently in the “jaw dropped open” part. I am hoping to finish it soon so I can read my others. I am about halfway through the book. I am looking forward to the idea of reading more, I have always enjoyed that.

I took out my winter running gear last night. My running shoes sit by my bedroom door and my clothes have been laid out on my bed. I used to run. I am getting the itch to run again. Baby steps, I slept in too late this morning, and I only run in the mornings.

Running would be a good healthy choice and I know it does my mind wonders. 

I wonder if all this is just another phase or will it stick this time as it is healthy.

So thank you to those of you who’s new years resolutions are to read more and thank you to those that say “Congrats you survived.” I did, and I pat myself on my back. I did pretty damn good.



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ditdot71

Welcome to my blog. My Non de Plume is Christine W Forgues. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.

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