Christmas for some reason is a trigger for my bipolar. I am currently being treated for an episode of mania. Every year I go a bit nuts around the beginning of December. I am not sure why. Is it the weather? Is it my Christmas anxiety over stupid stuff like buying presents for people, making sure everyone gets the same amount of gifts, wondering if people will be happy with their gifts. A very materialistic thing. Or is the simple action of shopping some of the cause of my mania as I have “money spending” issues?
Well, the weather has been beautiful, a bit milder than the average December. Both my kids received their “expensive” gifts during the Black Friday Blizz. So all I had to do is buy some little ones, which I told them after their large gift it would be a small Christmas. I still have been able to create a decent Christmas for my kids, yet I am still anxious about whether or not my kids are happy. Have I taught them that materialistic things are what make people happy? Jeez, I know retail therapy works wonders for me.
My dose of meds is helping the mania, but I am still a bit manic. But last night, after all the hype of Christmas, all the rush of Christmas, I broke down. Still worried about whether my kids felt it was a fair Christmas, wondering if my son got enough, wondering if my additional homeless kid was happy, as I didn’t buy him much. Neil said I gave him the best presents ever by offering my home, clothing him and feeding him while he attempts to move towards independence. I think I can believe my daughter was very pleased with her lot of gifts. My son at 21 is more difficult to buy for. Isn’t that always the way that men are harder to shop for?
Well, it is over..or is it, no actually not, because at the end of yesterday I decided I would have to order stuff online, the most dangerous of my shopping. But yes I found a couple more things for each kid I have in my home…once I give those then maybe I will be satisfied. Lucky thing I should get most of them by Friday.
I told Neil that I will finally settle now and hopefully can lower my dose of one of my meds. I want to take the tree down, organize my house back to normal and move on. Or maybe I will wait till the day after New Year, depending on how festive I still feel.
It was actually a really good Christmas. The kids were very appreciative, there was no bickering, everyone’s energy was positive and Neil made us a fantastic meal of stuffed turkey, several veggies, roasted potatoes and even Yorkshire pudding. He is amazing.
Being vegetarian, I skipped the turkey and loaded up on the rest of the good food. I am grateful for Neil, he is fabulous. And we all ate together at my small dining room table.
Really, at the end of the day, it was actually a good Christmas, maybe even the best for a while (except last year when Neil proposed to me.) I think I broke down from the relief that it was all over and that I had survived it yet another year.
Guess what I am doing today, Boxing Day? Gift cards are fun, and I will do some shopping for me, even though Santa already brought me gifts, My Himalayan salt rock is so very beautiful. Today is shopping at a lingerie shop 🙂 and maybe pick up some non-alcoholic beverages.
I hope everyone had a beautiful Christmas, maybe next year I will figure out how to keep myself level. But for now, I think I will get better now that the holidays are over.
Now, I can focus on wedding planning as it is only 8 months away, 226 days to be exact. We better get on with it.
Merry Christmas, I thank my followers and those who have liked my posts, this is a new journey for me.
Happy New year, be safe, don’t drink and drive.
Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.