Wow, I know I have tried to keep updated but things have been crazy. I think I am ok, but so much has happened. I will just give the highlights and try and get back into a routine cause right now it is guitar and music. And Moons.

I did my stay at the eating disorder program. I was there for three weeks. Long enough to gain 10 pounds and get me out of the woods. I came home and when I sat on the couch I felt fat. Seriously the weight felt it was all in my gut. No, actually the weight is all over. The program is geared at symptom interruption, so while I was fasting, restricting, and using laxatives, the hospital broke that cycle. I am not cured but I see the impact getting help has had on people around me.

I call it Dotty’s Ripple Effect (Another nickname) My daughter decided to go back to school, my son started a new hobby, and a couple of my friends are going through awakenings as well. 

My partner of 9 years and 354 days are now apart 1 day before our tenth. They say let go of someone and see where they go..and that my dear is where he has wanted to go for a while. A lot of gaslighting, manipulations, lack of respect, and inability to see past his dick. Sorry. I had 2 people against me, putting me down telling me I was abusive, agreeing with each other and then looks at me with a stupid poker face. That is in my song. And yes, they are together, secretly I am thinking ah hahahahaha you get what you deserve. And it wasn’t me. I had nothing left to offer him. I didn’t want his sex and literally hid my body, ’cause you know sometimes no dont work.

At the end of the day though my life is finally where I want it. Strong enough inside to risk getting involved with someone else. Around my 5th month single I met a guy, Well he met me.

The usual, facebook, “Hey you are friends with a couple of mine” Intro. So I decided ok, I checked with those people. He sounded like an okay guy so we made plans to meet and play pool. Yes, nice guy…..but our age difference.

There is a substantial age difference, but I see that as a positive because I am a bit old-fashioned. I grew up in the era when women stayed home and took care of the kids and husbands, and the husbands worked, maybe even two jobs. And the woman would make him a nice dinner. I grew up in that environment as well. He is really good to me. (However, I don’t cook and he does lol) So I decided I would go for it and see what comes out of it, I had already told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship and he knows now pretty much what I had to endure. He lives on the water about 40 min away from me, I am not driving anymore so He is the one who has been driving all around for me. He happily joins me on my planned outings and has met most of my friends that I actually hang out with. He loves to take pics and videos, and all my friends are musicians so sometimes they get magnificent shots and then they put them as their profile pic. Anyways, he is a fan of music. He is my fan. He is also very interesting and teaching me about the stars moon and planets, and we have done a lot of star gazing but it is a bit too chilly now to sit out for the night, unless you have a fireplace or something.  So he tags along with me and I tagg along with him. It is brilliant. He is a gentleman. He opens the car door for me. It is going well, I have peace and maybe the sentiment of love has begun with him (the new guy lol)

I have been doing a lot of meditations, moon ceremonies and tarot card reading to help direct me. I know for years I have been manifesting where I am today. Today with my videos and all my songs I am learning, awakening, understanding my shadows, trying to keep my head clear of all the old past that I can’t do anything differently. Being present in the moment is one thing I continuously have to remind myself of. My social network is musicians. They are my clan, they are my supports, the ones that encourage me, the ones who sometimes watch my videos and they say “Wow Dotty, you really have been practising. “ I am doing pretty good. I have about 15 songs but getting close to 20, I just have to memorize them all now!!!!!

Briefly about the moon…We have just had four supermoons in a row.

From google “July’s Buck Moon, August’s Sturgeon Moon, followed by a Blue Moon, and September’s Harvest Moon.”

I put all of my efforts into these moons and what It means to me, for me, to make me me. What do I have to do.? Love myself, rest, meditate, and surround myself with like-minded people. KNOW I am worth more than I was treated, and I won’t put up with bullshit anymore. Even some of his friends have seen through his lies.

This month’s energy is gonna big big. Friday the 13th with a full moon- it’s gonna be awesome. I am not quite sure about my intentions or if I need to manifest more things, the moon will know and eventually I will know as well. I think this is my moon to just be.

I have gained another 5-10 pounds, still doing a bit of binge/ restriction, but I am being careful. My new guy says he wouldn’t want to see me any thinner than I am now (I don’t see thin, they didn’t fix that)

My anxiety is nearly gone, the hurtful thoughts that keep playing in my head have quieted. As long as I stay on top of my thoughts, distraction is good, and meditation is good. Sometimes I just have to tell myself STOP. I have been learning to replace the negative with positive thoughts, so I just focus on my budding relationship and loving my friends. I may have written about him before. He gets a name..I will call him Gavin. He is a musician I follow, a musician to teach me, a musician to love me as no one else has before. I write songs about my love for him. And it will never turn into a relationship because we are too much the same, sex is never a part of us either. He is my best friend. He is my Twin Flame. In my delusional mind, I joke. But something feels real about it. Synchronicities. Respect. Love , nurture, understanding. Helping each other be the best we can. He told me to read a book called “ THE CELESTINE PROPHECY by James Redfeild.”

This book has already started changing me. Guess what chapter I had a hard time facing? I have not finished the book yet and look forward to being more enlightened and just be a really good person with good vibes and pure intentions. That Is hard to find.  Oh yes. August Super Blue Moon. I got a tattoo. It is the constellation of a Scorpio and a symbol of twin flames. Delusional. Maybe I was a bit manic when I decided on the final piece, he was a bit. Um, shocked. Maybe flattered came after the initial shock of “This girl just put a tattoo on her body about me?”  No one will come between him and I. We are just friends. We love each other. There are some really good vibes around me, I don’t miss the old me, stuck where I was. I should have freed myself long before, alas, a blessing in disguise one of my song sings.

I hope no one was worried, I will try to get back to posting weekly, I have some cool songs I wrote too that I will post.  Have a splendid day. Keep marching forward.

I am back.

Categories: Uncategorized

Tagged as: eating disorder end of relationship meditation moon new beginings

Feistyright?

Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for

fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1

I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my
coping strategies. Life is just too

boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing

but yet sometimes a curse.

I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.