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Three parts in one, Rock Star.

Part One. Rock Star Mania

It’s very late. Very. I am waiting for my meds to kick in but I wanted to start recounting a very very exciting story. So much excitement that ya i guess i need my meds tweaked again. Bu this is it. This is the mania we all dream about or hypo-mania at least. I am a bit over that top I recon but very very productive and successful and just down right beaming. I, whoever I am with whatever name I chose am going to submit some of my poetry to a publishing company and they have a contest, I guess, for the best poem. I think I have that one. We all think that. I don’t care if people think I am nuts, but i got these feels. I will tell you all about it, well actually no, I know I have spoken about it before. My last mania I wanted to be a rock star, karaoke and open mic are all there too.

So bumping up to present, I have done 4 open mics,  I sing 3 songs and next time I wan tto try 4, It will be the last one, Ontario is now locking down which urgh I am not getting into it but my town, we are doing good so it is really unfortunate that other places are not. By the way I hope who ever is reading this is staying safe and doing what they can to get through this. Try music.I Try writing. Anyways I have done these open mics, wait, wasn’t that one of my manic dreams last mania? OOO, perhaps I am not so crazy. Then I got to thinking about how far I could possibly go with this. Daydreaming. I always fancied this girl rock star. I am goin to name ner Jessica because I like that name and I like her. A lot. She was the singer in the band my karaoke friend had, he did karaoke shows too, Joe, we also had our ‘wedding’ at his place back in August. ( Honest the wedding story is coming), So this Jessica is well known all around my city, and I think I can safely say is known throughout Canada.

What was one of my other manic thoughts? Do a duet with someone, You wont believe it. Jessica does a solo show one night to have a celebration of life for an older man who was one of the oldest crew members that hung out at this bar, it is also a bar i have been goin to karaoke, its like a family thing at that bar, the karaoke hosts bring pot luck dinner for thanksgiving and Christmas. Sweet people, anyways, so yes she is doing a solo.  NO shit, she asks me to do a song with her/

OMG, I told you it was goin to happen, and guess what? It did happen, now..what else could happen?

Well I would have sung with her on New Years Eve she was goin to do another show, i would have been planning with her songs.

What else could happen? Well, can I hope for a road trip sometime with Jessica? Is that far fetched? Ya probably but f*ck man it would be so cool, oh yes and she travels with her beagle, I have a beagle mix, they would get along perfect.

Can you image? Me, on stage with the rock star i fancied the most, She mesmerizes me with her voice, and she is so damn cute, and we have our little moments that our eyes meet and we genuinely smile at each other, or she shares her red bull with me in the middle of the show she is performing at.. You know why? Because she found strength in my sobriety, seeing me go out and be on stage without the alcohol. YUP, I did it, she did it if you need to, then think about it. Crazy great world sober.   She did it, She is free from booze, just like me. Maybe someday I will be just like her. In my dreams. My manic ones. But you know what, I can pull it off in between my manias too. 

Ou to all who get through reading my stuff. I do like sharing, just not my man. Ha.

 PART TWO

 My Letter to “Jessica”

God, I hope you don’t find this too cheesy or laugh.

I got up to do Karaoke partially because of you and partially because I have always wanted to do that, despite, well my lack of beautiful voice as yours. So anyways I get to know you and love your energy, your happy state,  you are social, and your voice. DO you realize half the time I watch you I have my mouth hanging open in awe…. Lol

Then I see you are in a band and I said “I want to be just like her” but knew no way possible. I admire your car trips and seeing you have so many gigs.

Then I hear you have quit drinking. For that, I am even more impressed. I know what it is like getting on stage without beer (which I really thankful for because I would have been a horrible drunk signer, not attractive lol)

I have a hard time knowing if people actually like me or not, and Neil says you really like me, and I am flattered, I am happy. I really like you too.

So how did I get myself to open mic?” coincidence, M*** was on a ride with Neil and I ( on our motorcycles) and he was playing that night at Brass and said that night that there was open mic the next night… Then I found out  (another M) was going to be there and I know him too. And now I know the part bar owner as well

Oh, backtrack? Why did I even want to?

So I don’t know if you know but I am bipolar, I was diagnosed after I quit drinking. My mental health and my kids were my reasons to quit. Anyways, I have my periods of highs, I am more social, more creative, I probably even sing better lol, and I get more brave. SO last time I had a manic episode I decided I wanted to be in a band. I contacted people lol. I wanted to contact you but seriously didn’t want you to laugh, so then I set my ideas on to doing duets, then to open mic. I was always afraid of the lyrics, I thought it would be really hard and it was. I have been conditioned by years of karaoke, now I have to really listen to the song.

I am having uh 3rd wave ( of mania ) ? Lol interesting way of putting it, of mania, and I am full of good ideas and heck damn good ones because it has landed me here. And you are wonderful enough to support me.

I want to tell you this because I think you are a very lovely person and sometimes it is nice to hear.

If you are interested I will tell you what my new bright idea is 🙂 Just please don’t share this, ( I seriously think I am sweet, but I don’t want anyone laughing at me (a big fear, can you tell…lol)

You are my Favorite Super Star 🙂 And I am so privileged to know you.

******

PART THREE -Dreams

Dear Jessica,

HI again, yes I daydreamed about being a rock star, of playing in bars in a band,  doing solos. And duets, Oh I wish I could do that.

But I am doing it, even more now, more open mic, learning new songs by heart, taking videos and video so I can better myself and learn the pace of this song.

I am so excited. Open mic was a dream. Also on my list of dreams is to do a duet, and in my mind we did just that the other night, we fumbled through a song new to us both but we managed, and it turned out great with the bar joining in singing That was super sweet as I play back the video.

I am on top of the world by now, all I can do is talk about singing with you, I can’t stop singing and practicing because and here is my dream…

I am practicing so that one day I can go on a road trip and sing at a bar, me and you, oh I get so full of ideas I thought we could go see my half sister and she could find us a bar to play in, and I would have my own duet name. I have a name but I am keeping it secrete so that google can’t sell my idea (I am a bit paranoid) Anyhow, yes I have a band name for us and we won’t go anywhere that you do regular shows at cause I do realize I am not very good, oh but my spirit is. And that’s what people want to see. I won’t just sing but I will feel every song and be able to relate somehow to anything.

So ya. Road trip, with our beagle’s, hotel rooms and dinners out, a gig at a bar and I will be up all night excited. I would definitely need my pills to get me to sleep haha. I am not sure I want to share this with you but you seemed so surprised that I can just get on stage. People are nice at karaoke.

I have big, silly ? dreams. But I am doing what I dreamed of, and it is only the beginning I really feel it.

That’s how serious I am about it though. I have thought over this a lot 🙂

M*** knows the beginning part of my dream and has encouraged me. You have encouraged me.

Thank you. In the meantime, before I get famous I will keep practicing 🙂 “you never know.” And my bold one, “Watch me” at least watch me get better.

Ps, Jessica, My half- sister lives in Manitoba.

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Christie F.

Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.

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