This follows my last post “Just a blog”
Full Blue Moon October 31st, 2020.
Bang. It hit me.
Without knowing my whole story, I am completely shocked about what I just read about the full blue moon and its effect on mood.
My jaw has still dropped. One of the things that I have been struggling with this past year has to do with trust issues, a fallen self-esteem, loss of passion, loss of sense of self, loss of making efforts, loss of connection. Trust was the biggest factor.
This moon that we have just had was seriously my eye-opening moment. It was my release.
When I read this article it all makes sense, and I will try to explain.
“The last time the Full Blue Moon occurred on Halloween was in 1944. A rare occurrence that’s given the motto “once in a blue moon””
Well this moon, I am in awe of. With the help of the author of the article I read, I will explain what happened to me this weekend.
A blue moon is seen as a moon to give you extra energy, energy to attend to those things you have been putting off, procrastinating, something that been eating at you suddenly the energy happens and it gives you fight power.
“The energy the moon brings can bring on unsettling and uncertain feelings.”
Friends have posted about how the Full Blue moon is going to change something in your life.
My daughter said, “Something is going to happen today.”.
I walked outside to see if I could see the moon and was disappointed to find out it had clouded over. Then it happened.
The clouds opened up and a perfect round moon looked me straight in the face. Glowing.
I howled out “The moon, the moon! Come see the full moon!” My voice cracked. It happened just like that. There is a reason my voice cracked there is a reason I sounded almost as though I was howling at the moon. We connected.
I reflect on my week, was my uncomfortableness in my mixed mania and treatment, was that forces of the moon, shifting my thoughts and views and opening myself up? Is that why I was so uncomfortable. Was it the moon, was it preparing me?
I took some pictures. They aren’t very good zoomed in with a cell phone camera, but they are cool, almost eerie.
The article discussed two zodiac signs, The Scorpio and The Taurus. “The Scorpio is one who wants to drive deep into fears and emotions, shame pain and heartbreak, and change it to self-love and acceptance and belief in your own powers and magic. “
The moon is said to be in Taurus, which means it’s a moon of trust.
I have mixed the signs up and reflected on what this all may mean to me.
Wait a minute? I have power?
Yes! Of course.
Where has my power gone?
I am a warrior. I have the tattoo right on my hand.
All those negative emotions have been replaced, and here is how it manifested.
I had been going through a really rough time with mixed mania and having it treated and it knocked me so far down I couldn’t get off the couch. Thoughts were difficult as I now believe I was struggling with the energy shifts from the moon. Apparently.
Around 2 pm On Halloween, I decided I was in the mood for Halloween. Trick or Treaters have been discouraged due to COVID. It really bummed me out. But then I was seeing families decorate their lawns anyways, people dressing up in costumes and dressing their kids in costumes…Halloween went on anyways. Some people creatively made treat bags and left them on tables on their front lawn for families to pick up as they strolled by. It was a beautiful fall day.
I decided I wanted to participate, I rushed to Walmart but to my disappointment, the store was completely emptied. Pouting, I headed home.
If you have been reading my blogs, I mention karaoke a lot. My friend, having a page on Facebook for us who like doing karaoke, well, she was having costume contests, and Halloween themed songs. She even made an online Halloween party for a few of us, costume party, pumpkin carving contests, trivia games, scary story time AND a group watch of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Now a tidbit about me I am generally seen as a bit of a rocker, goth, alternative who likes Marylin Manson and Placebo but also likes Tom Petty and the Eagles. Oh and she lives in a kinky lifestyle, at least we used to.
But all those cool kinky clothes. It was then. That was when my moment happened. The moment I committed to dressing up. That was my changing moment.
As I changed into the clothes Neil had bought for me over the years when we were in alternate lifestyles, I pulled them out of the treasure chest. I was going to dress up like Frank N Furter
and participate in watching the movie with other friends.
That was my moment in glory.
Covid thought,” Urgh, I have to shower. changed to “Hey if I was going to the bar I’d be showering and doing my hair and getting all dressed up so move!
So I did it. I dressed up, I did full transvestite makeup. I played the part. And I played it well.
I claimed the energy as being mine and given to me by this wonderful moon phase.
I found her. The one who has been buried for a year, the one who lost all her self confidence.
Tonight. She is back. And here to stay.
Halloween dress-up was my first move into finding me again (I always love to put on a good show).
The strong me
The warrior in me
The loving in me
The passionate me.
There was one thing that solidified my views on this moon phase and how it impacted me. The cherry on- top dipped in gold was having two massive orgasms. Everything was released, the endorphins, the dark energy, the elation, all came to the surface with the force to send it into the orbit.
I was left breathless and unable to move.
The moon has cleansed me, given me the energy to pack the demons that lived with me through the days wreaking havoc on my well-being.
And wait a minute…something else came from this. I gave myself to him again. All of me. We are back.
“This magical moon is your once in a blue moon opportunity to make a real difference in your life.”
I am back.
Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.
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