Two nights ago I was on the computer, It was about 1:00 am. I started feeling tired so I decided to go to bed. Except I actually didn’t take my meds but only realized that at 3 am. Still not sure if I had taken my pills, I took some Seroquel as the dose is on a sliding scale anyway so no harm if I took extra. I finally fell asleep after two small doses of Seroquel as the first didn’t help me fall asleep. The next morning I woke up in horrendous shape. I got up and made breakfast for the kids and told them I was going back to bed. At that point, I knew I hadn’t taken my lamotrigine. I knew because I get tingly and just a feeling of malaise. One of the things I found out years ago is that Lamotrigine is also used in MS patients. And I know it helps with my side effect of tingling all over. But I have been on it for years for my bipolar, the MS stuff is a bonus.
I decided to take at least take half my dose of lamotrigine and a couple more Seroquel and I went to bed after kids left for school. I didn’t wake up till 2 pm. My sleep completely backwards.
My day was unpleasant. I was tired, grumpy and then my head started saying all sorts of things about me not being happy in my life. Felt like full out depression. My day was a lost day, one that I hope never gets repeated.
Have I been manic again? Did I get so caught up on the computer that I forgot to take my meds? Is my head racing too much to even manage something as basic as taking meds?
I am not sure. But I know it is something I just can’t let happen again.
So far today (I went to bed early last night) I woke up at 6 am and have been having a good day so far. I am in a much better place then I was yesterday.
As far as meds, I have been able to reduce my Seroquel from the high dose when I was manic, I think I am doing ok, though this morning when Neil saw me and I started talking he told me I was still a bit manic. I see my doctor this week and I need to hold it together so I can stay on my smaller dose. I let myself eat more on the higher dose, between that and a lack of discipline over Christmas I gained weight and I am miserable. The first thing I did was lower my dose. But I think I am really ok.
I ordered “weight management?” vitamins yesterday from Amazon and I am giving them a chance to hopefully kick start losing the weight I had put on. Simple, natural, no crazy chemicals. I have taken two doses. I don’t really need it because eventually without a high dose of Seroquel my little eating disorder will pop up again. I just can’t be at this weight. Maybe it is an indication of other things going on in my life or as doctor told me I have body dysmorphic disorder, and I have a history of eating disorders. I stepped on the scale today and I was three pounds less than yesterday after my very restrictive day. Water weight maybe but it doesn’t matter as long as the scale keeps going down.
Eventually, things calm down with me, I thought I was doing ok, I just have to make sure the mania doesn’t get like it was over a month ago. It is very taxing on my relationship with Neil.
I try to be positive, I try to focus on coping strategies yet I have never really been treated for an eating disorder other than hospitalization once in my teenage years for anorexia. I also had a mix with bulimia.
Because of taking meds during the day when we were trying to settle the mania I had to stop driving. It has been a month and a half since I have driven except for a drive around the corner this morning to pick up Neil from the mechanics. He drove back thankfully, I don’t like driving anymore.
I need a good cleaning of my car and get rid of it. No point in paying insurance if I am not going to drive it and Neil finally replaced his very broken car with a newer one, so now he isn’t using my car either, other then today for work as his in the mechanics for it to be safetied before he can legit drive it.
I think today will be a much better day. I might even go to my mom and dads for a visit.
Maybe I will go shopping 🙂
What will you do today to make your day a good one?
Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.