I grew up with my parents and older sister. Life was good, my parents did a good job, they raised me to be a good person and I have tried doing the same with my kids successfully. Everyone has issues. Mine started in elementary school. I was in grade two or three. I was doing something in a church service, maybe coming back from communion. I was dressed up. As I was walking I looked down at my outfit and felt really fat. I had a bit of a kid tummy, wasn’t flat like my Mom’s. My Mom would often tell me to hold in my stomach. I was average weight, not frail, sturdy but nowhere near chubby. Maybe 5 pounds of chub. I still have some of my school stuff from elementary school and I came across a note I had written to my parents in that was “Do you still love me even though I am fat?”

School was a bit of a struggle for me, likely due to not being diagnosed with ADHD. But I liked school. I enjoyed learning. Hated Math and I hated sitting at the dining room table while my dad tried to help me with Math. I just couldn’t get it, but passed my years with it eventually and did get my required math credits.

I had a hard time with friendships, I always felt the girls were very dramatic and constantly did the “Well if you are friends with her you can’t be friends with us.” I learned that girls can be cruel. I preferred to hang out with the boys but that lead me into some problems too. So did alcohol in grade 6, so did smoking cigarettes at such a young age.

I had my best best friend growing up. We are still friends but only “see” her on Facebook now, but we do occasionally message each other. We had millions of years of fun and support. I love her and she loves me.

I was a very likable kid in school. Bit of a trouble maker, I got into fights sometimes, even beating up some boys. I preferred not to fight with girls but I did, to show my tough cookie image. But I was relatively respectful of teachers and authorities. I was quirky and likeable. I was distracting, but fun. I had a hard time keeping my attention and i distracted the class often with blurting out things, passing notes, chatting with friends, being silly in my chair. And yes in those days we had to write “lines” when we got in trouble. It happened so much to me i was able to figure out how to write with three pencils so I could write three lines at a time. “I will not talk in class” ” I will not fight” and many other times.

I had severe jealousy of a girl who sat n the seat in front of me in grade 6. She was petite, she was a smart girl who quietly got her work done. She wore undershirts. She hadn’t developed yet and after a couple of years of flaunting my boobs I envied her lack of and her thinness. Interestingly enough I am friends with her on Facebook.

I just messaged her. I think I am humble enough to do the things I need to do to make peace with myself. Admitting to jealousy….that is hard. I had also messaged another girl I went to school with and apologised for bullying her. That was definitely something I needed to do.

Categories: Uncategorized

Tagged as: adhd bipolar body image children drinking alcohol eating disorder elementary school self esteem

Christie F.

Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1.
I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my coping strategies. Life is just too boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing but yet sometimes a curse.
I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.