I don’t know how far to go back but my site was originally focused on marriage planning and bipolar. That relationship dissolved and I am on to bigger and better things

I am following what I need to do. I am seeking like minded people, the ones that OCD about music too. People looking for enlightenment and seeing people’s energy, about knowing that everything has energy, people who don’t look at me strangely when I say I identify with being a witch. I am a Healer -Green witch. THats what I chose to believe. If politicians believe they can run a country .Then I can believe I am a witch, in fact likely, I came from descendants somewhere. My daughter told me she identifies that way and I thought maybe she was going through an emotional hard time. She talked about manifesting too…i didn’t understand what she was talking about and i never prodded for more informations.

The Green Witch [art comes from my ability to balance sound nature. It is the ability to absorb energy from my bare feet, camping or gardening. It is about my plentiful gardens, how I bring the garden indoors. How I talk and care for my plants. Its about using herbs and crystals and doing moon ceremonies, and 1st of the month ceremonies. I have spelled on protection spells. 

THe healer witch is this. I can touch people, i can sit with people, I can hug people and their whole demeanor changes. My friends have said I have this amazing impact on others when I  am around.

Touch-I have a friend who was single by choice, leading a very functional space for himself without all the relationship drama. The one thing he said to me was that he missed human touch. Even on a friend basis level I was yearning to give him , I call them Deborah’s healing hands.

For like 3 years. He was an untouchable. But I was persistent and stubborn as I always am, I wanted him in my life and I wasnt my healing hands on him as he has a multitude of health problems.

Recently our status has changed. He has carefully entered an unlabeled relationship, not even “relationship” , but yes, he dropped a few things, like,  “the girl I am kind of seeing”  CAlling me his girl, which I just remembered , I wanted to learn that song on guitar and play it for him.

He has now experienced my healing hands.

And that makes me so happy. Someone I can give to. Someone who sees the me inside of me, Someone who promotes creativity, someone, or people that can guide me through these enlightened experiences.

For many reasons I have completely separated from friends my ex and I had in common. Not my fault, I tried to keep communication open and i tried the invites. I tried the messenger, and I have tried to be inclused in parties but i get told no, because my ex and his new gf will be. (adults? Right? not?)

So like I kind of said, my clan that I have now, encourages growth, they encourage my creativity, they made me love myself because they showed me I have value in their day to day life.  I’m learning to stay present and continue even when I have thoughts or traumas from the past that resurface. I am not there anymore. I am here surrounded with people who can tell me they love me, regularly, people who back that love up with actions.

The other night I had my unlabeled friend over and I was making coffee. I have these little brown sugar sticks you can buy in a box i ripped some open to put in his coffee and then I grabbed one, ripped it open and poured it directly in my mouth. I looked over at him like.” opps. “

And he says, 

“That’s one of the reasons I love you.”

He loves my excitement, I see it in his eyes. He has told me too. We love each other but we truly love our friends in our clan. My other friend leaves saying I love you babe. And we are friends, I yell back “I love you too”

I am going to give this guy a title. My King. Too regal but for now I am queen and he is king.

Well, I refer to him as my twin flame. SOmething I realized after my last relationship ended  and me jumping into another relationship with someone 17 years older. All I could talk about was my king. I told my friend that I loved my king and I didnt want a relationship, but then it started happening, But for reasons, he wasn’t the right guy for me, even if I said causal. You need transparency or else nothing really is what I want. I want people to be transparent, i want them to be vulnerable and trust me and I want to do the same. My past 3 relationships I did not trust, and for good reason.

I can be of blame for the dissolving of my past relationships. For me once trust is broken , it doesn’t come back no matter how much I tried. I started pulling away. We were mostly miserable with each other. And if i didn’t give whim sex he would just take it from me. When I thought i had stage 4 cancer i asked myself “Is this how I want to spend my life?” 

I had stage 1a Follicular Lymphoma.The lymph node in your groin.

THat was the beginning of separation from him, and i rightfully so pulled away. Nothing good about me was seen, He never ever in 10 years told me why he loved me.

Red flag much?

Anyways that is all to update on the past 2 years. My king magically appeared and was who I needed to feel like an actual person with no hidden agenda. HE was my first male friend with no intentions of anything other than friendship.

TWin Flame I labelled him a long time ago. Probably 2 years ago. But i realized when I was pushing him to believe it i wasn’t staying present.

So I changed that and dropped the twin flame, however, He looked up our horoscopes which I had done almost immediately after meeting him. We are Scorpio Taurus. We are polars. We fit together.

I actually got a tattoo for him. I got his Scorpio stars and last minute decision to get a little symbol  of twin flames.

I am getting another tattoo. We both LOVE elephants. And within the next 8 years we will travel to where they have a sanctuary and stay there for a month. Dream trip for me, and it would be for him too…..Imagine sharing dreams…….

My next blog will be about Manifesting. If you want reference there is a book called the Secret. Also a book called the Celestine Prophecy, two books my king encouraged me to read.

I tell you, Life changing.

3 pages.lol

Categories: Uncategorized

Tagged as: life love mental health relationships writing

Feistyright?

Welcome to my blog. I have been journal writing for years. I took a course in Creative writing and found I enjoy writing short stories and poetry. I write more when I am hypomanic or manic.
I went into Rehab for Alcohol Addictions and have been sober for

fourteen years.
Shortly after I quit drinking I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar 1

I enjoy talking about my story, for people to learn or relate. I try and have a healthy lifestyle and try to use my
coping strategies. Life is just too

boring without Bipolar, it is a blessing

but yet sometimes a curse.

I am currently working on a book and dream of publishing one day.
I am so excited to have found Wordpress.
This is my new adventure.